12 Percenters Part Deux

2:53 p.m.

Before I begin, I'd just like everyone to know that my newly reborn computer is the most beautiful thing on God's green Earth. This mean calculating machine has officially made me so fucking awesome that it makes you hurt. Feel free to admit your insane jealousy of my good fortune and overt sexiness at any time.

I got my accounting test back today and it had a big fat C on it. I studied so much for that thing, dammit. I've already used my charms to woo my teacher into giving me a bit of the partial credit here and there, but to no avail. Still a C. Tomorrow, I seal the deal and do whatever it takes to get that sucker bumped up to a B. Must...harden...resolve!

Among other things.

Anyway, back to my 12% shout-outs:

Sundry - The last time I went to church was around Christmas because my grandma and my parents made me, and both my brother and I burst out laughing during one of the hymns we had to sing because it had the word "ass" in it. Yeah, they were referring to a donkey, but I'm so immature that it doesn't matter. I've never been to a strip club, although I've had friends that tried to talk me into it. "Come to Ye Olde Gentlemen's Bar," they would say. "The wenches are a delight!" I guess I could go, but I'm not sure if there's a single seat in a place like that that I'd be comfortable sitting on without thinking of what's been on it before me.

TheCritic - Feminists already hate me. But that's because I'm constantly telling them to make me a sandwich and asking if they'd be interested in joining my "stable." Actually, that's not true. Both of those things make feminists believe I'm a comic genius. So even when it's unintentional, I'm apparently just awesome. Or pathetic. Whichever.

TVZero - Christ, I can never remember when Easter is. Somewhere in the back of my mind I vaguely recall that it's in April, but if not for my Catholic friends I'd only realize that Easter came and went because I actually looked at my calendar for the first time in weeks. Oh, and Spirited Away was delightful.

Weetabix - I wrote like three different things in this spot and deleted them all, which is a pretty good indicator that I have no clue as to what to say based on your latest post. I have trouble imagining anyone in my family going through that sort of thing. I'm sorry to say I don't think I'd handle it as well as you indicate that you are. When life gets ya down, though, just listen to "Dreamer" by Supertramp. And nod thoughtfully.

AdWhore - Oh, God, capitalize something. I don't care what. Do it incorrectly, but do it somewhere. And Jesus, they gave O.J. Simpson a reality TV show. Fuck reality TV. If this keeps up I'm going to make my own damn reality show. It's going to be called, "Get off my lawn," and it involves me kicking somebody's ass. Hard.

I guess that one was kind of a crappy shout-out because I got pissed. I like your design, AdWhore.

BienSoul - I never figured Lucy and Shermy for a likely pair, but I guess love is just blind like that. And if Linus is freaking out, it's probably because he lost his blanket. The obvious solution to that one is to hit him in the face with a shovel. Wait...how old are these kids? Well, if they're old enough for a good old fashioned shovel-smacking, go for it.

And there we go. Everybody felt my love. Wasn't it great?

In other news, I've finally got all of my apartment stuff completely worked out, right down to the subleasing we'll have to do because Colt can't stay here in College Station for the summer. Booyah.

Also, Vck keeps telling me that she's going to be able to kick my ass after the fall semester because she's taking a karate class. Whatever. I plan to spend this summer meditating and building up my chakra so that by the time she even thinks about attacking me, I'll just use my mind to drop a boulder on her head. She'll be all crane-style like Daniel-San while Mr. Miyagi tells her that the true path to karate enlightenment involves her washing his dirty boxers, and I'll just be yelling at the top of my lungs and glowing with power like in those violent cartoons the young 'uns watch these days. If she doesn't soil herself, I'll consider myself marginally impressed.

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