Surrogate Lovin'

8:29 p.m.

It's come to my attention that I haven't exactly been making with the funny for a little while since I started this diary back up. Sorry about that, but there's a lot going on with me right now that doesn't exactly have me in the best spirits - it's not you guys, really, it's totally me, and no, I don't wanna talk about it cuz it's private and talking about stuff all the time is retarded anyway, look I'm really tired so let's just go to the circus and have some peanuts.

Yeah, that didn't make a lot of sense.

Well, my dad came up to A&M yesterday to pick me and my stuff up and move me home, and it occurred to me as we were carrying stuff to the car that it was the first time he'd ever seen my dorm room. Most people would assume that, based on that information, my dad is just a bad, uncaring person, but really he's just very practical and didn't see the sense in driving for a total of six hours (there and back) just to say, "Wow, what a nice room. Cold, though."

Because that dorm room was colder than Antarctica.

Okay, that's an exaggeration. I'm pretty sure Antarctica is a little bit colder than our old dorm room. But the fact is that we had our thermostat pretty much permanently set at about ninety degrees, even in the summer, and the A/C still kept our room at about sixty. Which I realize doesn't sound cold, but if you're just sitting around and not doing anything, which is usually the case in a small dorm room, then you start to feel the cold wind of that air conditioner all over your feeble meat-body. I of course use the phrase "meat-body" because after a while you'll begin to wonder why you aren't hanging from a hook.

So it's already sort of a weird experience for me to be living back in my old room again, where it's pretty much constantly hot. Makes it hard to sleep at night. Stupid heat. I laid in bed until almost four in the morning last night just sweating because my fan wasn't working. Fixed that bitch first thing today. Part of the wiring up in there had been eaten through and I had to splice in some good wire to repair it. And despite how menial tasks like that are, I usually feel like fucking MacGuyver when I do them.

Except MacGuyver doesn't electrocute himself whenever he does cool stuff. Side note to that - turn off the electricity befofore you dig around in your home's wiring. Thankfully my mutant healing factor is back online because the burn it left on my fingers is already almost gone. It's good to have the healing back because now I shouldn't get sick anymore - I was having a problem with that for a while. And I think we all know what a lack of sickness means.

Oh, yeah. Selling your own plasma for quick and easy profits. Bling bling and so forth.

If only there was a sperm bank nearby. They could have as much of that as they want, and I'll gladly take the moneys. And besides which, maybe someday I'll walk by and see a little baby with my eyes, and then I'll look up and see that the mom pushing the stroller is way totally hot, and it'll be kind of like I had sex with her.

In fact, when I tell other people, it'll be exactly like that.

previous / next