2003-05-23

Continuing Saga

6:24 p.m.

The saga continues in this outrageous love triangle.


Rachael: Lee, I received your letters, and I'm here to let you know that I want you to be my love bunny. If you choose me over that harlot Thora Birch I promise I will let you park the beef bus in tuna town on a daily basis. I hope you will accept this humble offering of homemade pasta that I whipped up in less than thirty minutes.


Lee: Oh my God, Rachael Ray! You represent everything that I want in a mature, responsible, no-nonsense sort of woman, while also looking like a total MILF, minus the part where you're a mom. You rock so much. I would love to-


Thora: Not so fast, Lee! I too received your letter and, while I have no pasta offering like this old maid here, I am wearing very little, if any, clothing, and I'm exactly your age. I am totally, totally hot, and you want this body really, really bad. Just admit that you are helplessly in my power.


Lee: Hotness level....shutting down brain. Unable to comprehend anything except need to make sweet, sweet love to Thora Birch. Damn you, witch! Your seductive skills are indeed great, and you definitely are a representative of all that should physically attract me to a woman, but there must be more to a relationship than mindless sex! There....shouldn't there be more? I think there should. Seeing your barely restrained boobs kind of makes my mind go blank.


Thora & Rachael: You must decide between us, Lee. Only one of us can be your sweet lovin' honey mama. Who is it going to be?


Lee: Th...they're absolutely right. I have to pick one. But it's so difficult. On the one hand, there's sweet Rachael Ray, a home-town woman who can cook up miracles in record time and embodies everything about good old fashioned Americana I could ever hope for. But on the other hand, Thora Birch is a bombshell intelligent hottie that reads fine literature and has such an aura of sexiness that she rocks casbahs from East coast to West coast without even trying. I...I just don't know what to do. If it comes down to this, then I just have to choose-


Alyson: Lee? Did you forget about me? I was your first crush ever, remember? Don't you want my, um, you know...sweet lovin'?



TO BE CONTINUED....

Bum bum bum!

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Unstoppable Buxom Girls From Hell!