Beef Patty Haircuts

12:10 a.m.

Here's another chapter in my fascinating life story: I can't straighten out my arms anymore. They must remain constantly bent at a slight angle, not unlike some sort of gorilla. To attempt to straighten them is to invite pain unlike anything you could conceivably imagine. I feel like the damn Tin Man.

Which of course means it's time for the ladies to oil me up.

I need something, though, because this has been driving me crazy all day long. There's got to be some way to get my body back to normal, and there has to be some way to figure sex into that equation. This requires further study and/or laboratory research.

Today I got my hair highlighted professionally and cut back down to a reasonably short(er) length. Not that you can tell - the highlights, I mean. I had Victoria do highlights in my hair a long time ago and couldn't really see the results. I thought maybe a professional would yield something more substantial, but all they did was lighten my wallet a lot more. Goodbye, money.

On the other hand, I learned something. Money is for computer parts and video games, not hair care.

Here's the really unfortunate thing, though: Guess what song I had stuck in my head the entire time I was waiting for my highlights to set?

Two allllll beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese!
Two allllll beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese!
*kickin' beat*

Ugh. Commercial jingles shouldn't be allowed to be that catchy. What makes it worse is that I never plan on buying your damn Big Mac, McDonalds. I don't even like your food, really. You're just annoying me.

Getting back to video games, though - my friends and I have recently begun playing through Resident Evil on GameCube, the remake of the Playstation original. That damn thing can be horrifying sometimes. The first time it was Joe's turn to walk around, he ran into a room with a Super Zombie. That sommabitch came hurtling towards Joe like a bat out of hell, causing Joe to run, screaming like a little girl, down a set of stairs while it flanked him the whole way.

Later, he accidently ran back into the same hallway with that little bastard, and the only thing we saw was it's foul green breath filling the air dangerously before Joe turned around and left the room with the quiet dignity of someone who has recently shat himself.

Games are fun!

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