My Day Home

7:32 p.m.

Lee: Okay, kitty, since you're the only girl in the entire house, I hereby pronounce you the authority on all stuff girly.
Kitty: Mrow....purrrrr.
Lee: If I'm going to be picking up ladies, cat, then I need to know which of these Calvin Klein colognes is the best. And by best, I mean "exciting to the female crotch." First up is Obsession. Check it. *gets Obsession on finger and holds up to kitty*
Kitty: *sniffs finger and rolls over for more nap time*
Lee: Okay, that's the opposite effect I want to have on the ladies. What about this one? It's called Escape.
Kitty: *sniffs other finger and then turns up nose and gets up to go away*
Lee: Whoa, whoa, hold on, we're not done. I get it, I get it. Escape Calvin Klein isn't just a clever name. But I got one more here. Contradiction. Just...here, some on my elbow. Sniff that.
Kitty: *sniffs elbow...thinks for a moment...sniffs elbow again...thinks for a moment...begins licking elbow*
Lee: Oh, that's perfect. Hell, we even got you spayed and you're still hot for this fragrance. This is either the most potent sort of delicious smelling animal pheremones, or it has fish in it. But I'm willing to gamble. Thanks, kitty.

------

In other, somewhat less pathetic news, I'm seriously considering going to JournalCon in Austin come this October. I'm not totally sold on it yet, though. I don't really know who all is going to be there. If LeeboZeebo is going to come, it's gotta be for something special. Like a really cool person not afraid to buy me the two rounds of wussy drinks necessary to get me shit-faced.

Everyone who's going to JournalCon, or has been to it before, drop me a line and tell me why it's the baddest ass thing ever and I should definitely go. Be convincing. If it's not convincing I won't go, and then your Con will suffer from a distinctive lack of Lee. I don't think I even need to tell you what that means.

------

And now, a brief moment with my dad.

Dad: *continuing conversation* Let me tell you what's even more retarded than letting our congress vote for their own pay raises. Self Evaluation sheets. What in the hell? Who in their right mind is going to give himself a bad review? What kind of ass-backwards guy gets one of those and says, "Man, I suck hard. Why don't you give me a pay cut?" I just check "excellent" all the way down the page when I get one of those. I don't even read it.
Lee: Gold.
Dad: But no, wait, I take that back. I remember once I asked Katie (his boss) about this and she admitted to me that some people actually do check themselves "poor" in some areas. She said that some people are just very honest on those self evaluation sheets. You know what I said?
Lee: Did you say that you're also honest - that you really do believe you're excellent?
Dad: You're damn right I did. I am excellent.

This is why I am the way I am, if anybody was wondering.

previous / next