Sunburned Tap

12:12 p.m.

Here's some highly exciting news - none of my pants fit properly anymore. My belt must now be worn full time, and, best part yet - it must be notched all the way to the final belt hole. This means that my work has been paying off - my middle is shrinking, and my muscles are growing to fill in the gaps - there's nothing more satisfying than a job well done.

So of course I, in my infinite wisdom, saw to it that I get a major sunburn. This is going to make working out a serious chore, now. Why could I not be blessed with skin that tans easily? Why am I so Irish-y and pale? It just isn't fair, I tells ya. Not fair at all.

It's my face, shoulders, and part of my back that got hit this time, which means that I'm stuck in permanent shirtless mode for a while - all cloth feels abrasive on a bad sunburn. As sexy as shirtless Lee is, I have to say that red lobster Lee isn't going to turn you on too much, so turn that lust into pity for me. I need it.

Last night saw a visit to The Tap, our favorite bar. This time we had new company - in addition to the traditional me, Ryan, and Joe, we now had Jennifer and Natalie.

Jennifer and Natalie are two girls that before now have not been mentioned in here because we just don't see them much. Joe met them first, and like a lot of people Joe meets when we aren't around, there's a bit of segregation between the groups.

I suspect he's secretly afraid we're going to embarrass him with stories from the past. Oh, that Joe.

Sorry, little pointless tangent, there. I'll get back to the night.

It does not take a man with Ph.D.s in five scientific disciplines to notice that Joe has what could accurately be called a "thing" for Natalie. Probably because he's had this thing for what? Like a year? I don't hesitate to mention this because it's not a secret crush. Hell, I'm pretty sure even she knows about it - that's how un-secret it is.

But Natalie apparently isn't interested in Joe "that way," or however you wish to put it. I'm not really sure why, but then again I don't know the whole story behind Natalie and Joe.

Now, I realize I'm biased, Joe being one of my best friends and all, but he's really a great guy - he's proven this over and over on numerous occasions with his actions. I can't imagine any reason Natalie has that could possibly be good enough to warrant her not jumping over herself to date him.

Hell, all of us want Natalie to date Joe. We like Natalie. This is probably why Joe keeps us away from her. He's afraid we'll play match-maker or something.

He can relax on that field. I'm smart enough to know that people don't really like being fixed up. Well, I don't, anyway. And I believe in the Golden Rule, you know - do unto others, etc.

Jennifer is a very different girl from Natalie. She talks a lot more, is far more animated, extroverted, and, at the risk of using this word, girly. In other words, she is very much my type of woman. However, one night with her at that bar was enough to convince me that she's got a major Jones for Joe. Love Triangle!

And strike out on my part. This sucks. Jennifer is really, really cute and I like her personality.

So I probably shouldn't have drank as much as I did. I cease to speak intelligently.....or coherently...when I'm drunk. I doubt I looked like a winner. My bright red raccoon face probably wasn't much of a turn on, either. Girls don't think "cute" when they think of raccoons. They think "roots through garbage."

So the evening went as follows: Jennifer flirts with Joe, Joe jokes back, Joe has conversation with Natalie, Lee does something to get attention from Jennifer, Ryan watches with one eyebrow raised.

At some point in the evening we met up with Julie Hartung, a girl we went to high school with who was in the bar with her sorority sisters. After she left I bugged Ryan to go talk to her for the rest of the night, which he never did.

Ryan started asking me when I wanted to go, which is secret code that lets me know that he's ready to go home, so we left before Joe, Natalie, and Jennifer, and he drove me home. Here was the conversation on the ride back:

Lee: Ryan, I can't believe you never went and talked to Julie.
Ryan: Why?
Lee: Oh, come on.
Ryan: She's a friend.
Lee: *raises eyebrow*
Ryan: A really, really hot friend.
Lee: Yeah.
Ryan: Jennifer really likes Joe.
Lee: Really? I couldn't tell.
Ryan: I dunno, she was flirting with you, man.
Lee: Whatever. She was not.
Ryan: Ahhh, you know she was. I saw it.
Lee: That's a damn dirty lie.
Ryan: Ah? Ah? Hehehe.
Lee: Yeah, okay, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't interested. But like you said, she really likes Joe. And Joe's my friend - I'm not going to swim over into what I can only label as his domain right now. Because both of those girls are sort of in his area and not ours.
Ryan: Sure, sure. You keep sayin' that.

Damn that Ryan. I wasn't thinking clearly enough to retort. At any rate, I did have a good time. Hopefully we'll all be able to hang out like that more often.

Listening To: Tweet - Boogie 2Nite, Knoc'turnal - My Muzik, The Flaming Lips - Do You Realize?

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