First Days of School

9:34 p.m.

Well, my first two days of school are now complete, so I can tell everyone the boring, mundane details of all my classes.

I got off to a bad start Monday with my first accounting course because I came in late. It totally wasn't my fault. I blame a combination of buses that don't take alternative, shorter routes and all the dumbasses in College Station, Texas that drive even though they're new and have no fucking idea where they're going. Assholes. Get out of my damn way.

Accounting Professor was not happy with me, and made sure to pause in his reading of the syllabus to the class (an act which I find to be a detestable waste of time since I already know how to read) to give me a dirty look. "What the fuck do you think you're doing?" his look said to me. "Do you know who I am? I'll kill you. In your sleep."

I gave him a look back that alternately said, "I'm totally sorry, dude, this morning has been crazy hectic, it'll never happen again," and "You bring it on, bitch, I'll beat your old-man-ass."

So this class should be fun now.

After that I had a long break during which I pulled football tickets for the game this weekend. I got tickets for me, Joe, Ryan, Todd, Victoria, Natalie, Jennifer, a girl I met one time named Ceason, and a friend of Ceason's that I've never met in my life. A&M is playing Utah, which frightens me, because Utah has crazy Mormon Powers that I don't understand but suspect might give the football players an edge that I can't describe. I only hope my own Aggie mind powers are enough to warp space and time in their heads, causing temporary blindness.

Next up was my International Marketing class, taught by Korean Commander. He is a commander of Can't Speak English Worth a Damn. This will make the course far more difficult than it should be. Why, oh why do we let people teach that have only a rudimentary understanding of our language? Oh, sure, he can write okay, but everything he says is in this broken English with an accent so thick I have trouble discerning every other word. I wanted to accuse him of having nuclear warheads in the trunk of his car, but he's from South Korea. So that's cool. I still wish he could speak more clearly.

Ryan, Joe, Todd, Victoria, Andria and I all went swimming last night and it was a lot of fun. Andria said we should make it our regular Monday Night Thang. I agreed.

------

Today we started with my Strategic Management Course, taught by Mr. Germany....from Germany.

"Howdy, y'all!" he said in the thickest accent I've heard in a long time. "I am your professor, Mr. Farfenheimenhurmanzebalticht! Ha ha, I know it is hard to say, ya? You need to work on it so we get along and have fun!"

Sweet Jeebus.

Then another gap, during which I came home and did laundry. Also, I invented secret penis enlarging medications. No, not really, but that made the gap sound more exciting.

Because it was big. Ladies, you know what I'm talkin' about.

Back to school for my American Literature course. The first thing my prof said when he walked into the classroom was, "If you have never read or even heard of the books we'll be reading that does not make you a bad person, or even a dumb person. Nor does reading these supposedly classic novels make you a better person. You are not superior to anyone if you have read Mr. William Shakespeare. However....if you are well-read, and you cannot tell me why you like or dislike any of these books, then I pronounce you a waste of human space. Here's the deal - nothing will piss me off faster than if I ask you for your opinion and you answer with 'I don't know.' That's a lot like saying, 'Up yours. I'm not going to play your game.' Well, guess what? Up yours. You will play my game. Suckers."

I liked him immediately.

Then I went to Tax Accounting. Which will be very, very, very boring. That is all.

previous / next