Ring Dunking

11:02 a.m.

Last night we had our first ever party at this apartment. It was a good party - not what I'd call the most successful party, since most people only came for a short amount of time and then had to go - but still a good party in that I had fun.

Besides which, we're very used to this. We've tried to throw a party tons of times here before, and it's almost always met with the same pratfalls - nobody can come, nobody can stay that does come. The party was supposed to start at 8. People didn't start coming until after 9, and by 12, everyone was gone. Although it seems frustrating, that's just the nature of things around here.

And anyway, most people got what they came for - it was a party in honor of Todd and Ryan finally receiving their Aggie Rings. The college ring is a very, very big thing here at A&M. My dad still wears his to this very day - hell, he wears it as his wedding ring. You'd think my mom would find this offensive, but they really didn't have any money when they got married, so she was very moved when he told her he was going to drop all of the Aggie symbolism involved in his ring and make it completely about her.

When you get your Aggie Ring, there is a tradition we have here in which you "dunk" it. What this basically means is that you get a pitcher of something (almost always beer), drop your ring down in there, and guzzle it until you can clench your ring in your teeth.

Gross.

I'll probably dunk my own ring, but certainly not with beer. I can't do more than sip that stuff, it tastes so bad to me. If I tried to swallow copious amounts of it, I'd puke like thirty times before I got to the bottom of the pitcher.

This is sort of what Todd did. Not thirty pukes, but just multiple pukes during the course of his pitcher-drinking. He'd get going, then he'd have to stop and just *blargh* that right over our balcony.

Ryan, on the other hand, was a damn trooper. He drank that pitcher down to almost the bottom before he finally threw up, and the only reason I think he threw up is simply because his stomach couldn't hold any more. It was freakish, too. Like the puke that would never stop. When he finally cleared all of that beer out of his system he turns back to us and goes, "Holy crap! Did you see that?"

I sure did.

But enough of my talk. I'll let the pictures speak for themselves:

The evening started out rather violently when Jennifer (left) revealed herself to be a Terminator sent back from the future to destroy a very frightened Joe (center) and Natalie (right). The only thing keeping people from realizing that she has robotic laser eyes is her bottle of Dos Equis and a tight shirt.

Ryan and Todd were major troopers for a long time. Just look at those chug machines. Todd is drinking about 48 ounces of Bud Light, and Ryan is drinking the same amount of Coors Light. I affectionately call both horse piss.

Ryan is a ham. He would occasionally stop his chugs just to make a face at everyone. At one point he even gurgled his beer, just to show Todd how this beer-chugging thing is done. In Todd's defense, however, his beer still had a lot of foam in it. That's not easy to drink. Oh, and in case you were wondering, yes, Ryan is drinking out of a blender.

This became a familiar sight after a while. Todd would get a pretty good rhythm going, but inevitably he just couldn't keep it down. His total drinking was intersparsed by about five good over-the-balcony yaks. And after every one he'd just go back to drinking. That's disgusting beyond all of my comprehension, but then again, it's only recently that I've begun drinking again.

Ryan was almost finished. Almost - when this look came over his face. Victoria captured the moment rather perfectly, I think. We all know what this face means.

Jesus, I've never seen anyone puke so much in my life. It was like a never-ending fountain of stomach fluids. We were pretty high up, and yet, as Ryan's barf was finally hitting the ground, there was still more coming out of his mouth. This may have a profound effect on my own decision to dunk my ring.

Thankfully they managed through this debaucle without too much embarrassment or ridiculous hijinx, and in the end they both had their rings, washed clean by holy amber liquids, and ready to be placed on their fingers for the rest of time. Take a bow, you drunkards among drunkards. You earned this one.

And then, the party continued!

This is Amanda and Amanda, two girls that Ryan's ex-girlfriend Sara brought to the party. They both drank Keystone Light, which I know from experience is like one of the worst beers of all time, and that's coming from somebody that doesn't really like any beer. But I forgive them. You can't see it, but Amanda on the left has this crazy dragon tattoo on her left arm - according to her, it's the same one that Angelina Jolie has. I have no urges to get tattoos myself, but I'm always interested when other people have them because I think that somebody must have had a pretty damn good reason or one hell of a story to put something on them that can never really come off. I didn't find out what it was this time, but maybe in the future.

Amanda on the right I vaguely remembered from one of Sara's parties that she'd thrown before. She's an accounting major that is just now going through the hell of Intermediate Accounting. I wish her luck on that one, because that class quite honestly kicked me right in the balls and then laughed at me while I squirmed around on the ground in pain. It stands to this day the only class that I've made a "C" in since I came to college. And I didn't make a C by giving up, either. I fucking earned it.

Amanda on the right was also really, really hot. Like, if you have this volcano that erupts and then turns all these villagers into ash? That kind of hot.

This probably explains why I tried to take a picture of Amanda's ass with Sara's new phone. I never claimed to make the best decisions when I've been drinking. It was all for naught, anyway, because I couldn't for the life of me figure out how Sara's crazy multiple-use cell phone even worked. When you start packing that many features into a handheld device, you need to be sober to operate it. I imagine that this was probably for the best - it would have been Sara that ended up with a picture of Amanda's ass, and I have no idea what she'd do with that.

Oh, I have no picture of Sara, by the way, because I just couldn't find one that I could crop her out of properly. Sorry about that.

In the end, the whole party was fun even though extremely short-lived, as you can see. I got to play with a new tech gadget, Ryan and Todd got to puke their ever-loving guts out, and there were hot ladies walking about. Even if everyone had stayed longer, I'm not sure if the party could have been much better for me.

Plus, I just about passed out after 12.

Listening To: Polyphonic Spree - Light and Day, Mogwai - Summer

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