Sheesh

5:18 p.m.

Thank you, loyal readers. Thank you. Your loving entries in my guestbook make all the difference in the world to me. Especially when you tell me that I've done something wrong. I know this is shameful, but I get a little bit excited when you tell me that I can't spell. You might need to turn down the lights.

I do appreciate your corrections. And in the future, I'll try not to make any more of what you lovingly call "Freudian Slips" and I realistically call "typos."

This is my friend's girlfriend, people. Come on.

Let's be truthful for a second, though. How often do I misspell things? Maybe we can cut me a little bit of slack and not make it sound like I want to secretly "massage" people that probably read this and may or may not be incredibly creeped out by the untrue insinuations cropping up here and there, both in my public guestbook and my email inbox.

I'm just saying.

I love you people to death, really. You are both my bread and my butter, and I do so love me some butter. Let's just keep my poor feelings in mind. They are so very poor. For real. My feelings open their collective wallets when they read these things, and little moths fly out. You can't buy stuff with moths, guys. Not a damn thing.

I'll leave the spelling error in the previous entry because I'm not so much of an egomaniac that I have to erase any and all evidence that I fucked up, and also because if I did that it would make this whole entry pretty pointless.

But, for the record, I meant to say "messaging." Not "massaging."

In internet lingo: "massaging = messaging."

Because, you see, we were talking on Instant Messenger. A program designed for messaging. It is not physically possible for one to massage with this piece of software. And even if it was possible, would you really want a big, dirty company like AOL giving you a rub-down? They'll just cop a couple feels and leave you feeling used.

AOL does not have a gentlemanly soft touch. AOL is like a lumberjack who's been alone in the woods for like twenty years.

Look, I'll sum this up as best as I can.

Messaging.

Not massaging.

Messaging.

Massaging: No.

Messaging: Yes.

I'm glad we had this little talk. We must do it again sometime. It feels good to get all of our emotions out in the open.

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