COMICS

2:12 p.m.

I love me some comics. I really, really do. And I'm not just talking about what we as Americans traditionally think of when we're talking comics. I don't just mean X-Men or Spider-Man.

Yeah, no problem, I like superhero comics. Especially the art. I have in my possession pretty much the entire run of Uncanny X-Men from #1 to #425 (not, er, acquired by any kind of legal means, I'm afraid) and one of the most fascinating things about looking at them is that you can really see how the art has progressed since the '70s. Or maybe it was the '60s. I'm not totally sure when the first issue of Uncanny X-Men was released. The series might be older than I'm thinking.

It doesn't lessen my point, however. The American superhero comic has gone from speedily drawn, cost-cutting on every corner to a very high-tech, slick in appearance sort of thing. All the pages are high-gloss color and it's obvious that computers have played no small part in their overall design structure.

(I would explain more about the stories of X-Men or Spider-Man, but I'm assuming you've all at least heard of them or seen the movies, which is really all you need to get the gist, to be honest.)

I wasn't always so gung-ho about American comics, though. For a time I was one of those all-Japanese readers. If it didn't come from the land of the rising sun, I kind of disregarded it. Of course, all it really takes is a few issues of "Marmalade Boy" or "Oh! My Goddess" to make one realize that maybe Japan isn't all it's cracked up to be. But still, I managed to come out of that phase with some pretty neat stuff.

Like "Battle Angel," for instance. Check this out:

Unlike superhero comics which often go on forever and ever with no clear end in sight, Battle Angel had a clear (though lengthy) multi-chaptered story and is now finished. It had a ridiculous amount of tragedy in it - by the end of the series you had to wonder why the main character, Alita, shown in the picture above, didn't just kill herself.

True, she was a robot. But man, life didn't just give her lemons, they shoved lemons up her ass, made her squeeze out ass-lemon-juice, and then forced that down her throat.

Despite that, I really love this comic, and in the end, things are at least somewhat okay. Not real great. But I wasn't expecting a happy ending.

I also took away this little gem, called "Blade of the Immortal." Check it:

Blade of the Immortal is very different from Battle Angel in that it tries to take the focus away from the dark and brooding aspects of its story through clever, witty dialogue. The setting may be in Feudal Japan, but everyone talks like they came from a modern day back alley street gang. Let me give you an example using this snatch of dialogue between Manji, the main character featured here, and his sidekick Rin, who is all huggin on him.

Rin: It hurts...it hurts SO BAD! There were so many of them! It wasn't FAIR! And to kill him like that...that way...."
Manji: Well, shit. Hurts so much you gotta cry...?

Oh, Manji, you loveable one-eyed ninja badass! It's no wonder you're such a hit with the ladies with that sensitive side you're always showing off!

But comics aren't always about stories or kicking ass. Sometimes comics are just that - comics. They're funny.

Take "Lenore," an American comic by Roman Dirge. This is a great little independent comic about a little dead girl. Just look at her:

As you can see, Lenore loves her kitty very much, even though it's a kitty corpse. This is very sweet and very distubring and quite funny all at once.

Case in point: There's one short Lenore story in which the Easter Bunny gets caught in a bear trap that Lenore has left out, screams, "I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!" and then drags himself to Lenore's front step, where she decides she must deliver eggs for all the children. Hijinx ensue.

I wuv you, Lenore.

But then there's comics that aren't necessarily funny, don't always have a clear-cut story, and involve no ass-kicking whatsoever. I call this "Ghost World." If you haven't heard of the novel, you may have at least heard of the movie with Thora Birch.

Ghost World is an odd sort of graphic novel in that it was clearly written for girls. And I don't mean that it's cute and fuzzy with pink stuff, either. I mean that the main characters are two teenaged girls that act, for the most part, like teenaged girls. They're sort of social outcasts, but that doesn't really help me relate to them any better. I can understand the points and the significance of each new piece of these girls' lives on an intellectual level, but because I lack a vagina I suspect I'll never get this book on a level that's any more intimate than that.

I enjoyed it, but I doubt I enjoyed it as much as somebody that can relate to the characters and what their lives are like. Since my core audience is female, I can safely recommend this one and not have a torrent of emails asking me why so many body parts have to explode in a male-dominated comic society.

To be honest, it's stuff like Ghost World that interests me most of all. Independent comics like this rarely become very mainstream. The fact that a movie was made out of it suggests that we might be paying more attention to the underground world of comic artists - the ones that don't draw people in tights. The ones that write what amount to very ordinary stories about very ordinary people. Ghost World is one of the few comics out there that I'm willing to actually stick the label "Graphic Novel" on, because that's genuinely what it is. A long story based on events that could really happen, and told with a healthy combination of images and text.

I first got the idea that I could write comics in middle school, when I realized I had an above-average writing ability and a strong desire to tell character-driven stories. When you write comics, it has to be about the characters. Your ability to write intellectually stimulating prose is secondary to your ability to tell us what your characters are doing.

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Tangent:

J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter would have made a great comic series, I think, because it's such a fantastic story, but it seems awfully lacking on the prose front. Rowling tells a great tale, but she's not that decent of a writer. The fact that it translated so easily to film I think is good evidence of this.

I'm not saying the translation process was easy, but...well, let's put it this way: How many people read the first Harry Potter book, then saw the movie, and said, "No, no, no...this is all wrong."?

I'm willing to bet very few.

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There's probably a lot of guys that go through their younger years with a dozen cool comic book ideas, but I think I'm one of the select special boys that never really grows up and continues to formulate them.

Since I have no artistic skill whatsoever, I stand no chance of ever really making these happen, so I thought I would share just one of my meager concepts with the world in this entry. If it gets stolen (which I doubt), so be it - at least I'll get to read them in some form or fashion.

Jonny Goes to Hell

Setting: A very steam-punk sort of Great Britain, during the Industrial Revolution.

Synopsis: Jonathon Smithe, an independently wealthy young jerk with no affection for anyone other than himself, has painted a not-so-flattering portrait of the devil. This portrait has some sort of effect on Satan, causing him to lose his power and become stuck in the form that Jonathon has painted. Because of this, the Prince of Lies sends multiple henchmen to either buy, steal, or just plain destroy this painting, all to no avail. Finally Jonny becomes so annoyed with having his usual priviledged life so pestered that he finds a way to go to hell so that he may have a long talk with the devil and get this all sorted out. Amazingly, he managed to bring the painting with him, weakening Satan even more, and Jonny has decided to stick around for a while and see what he can do to make hell somewhat more accomodating.

Characters:
Jonathon Smithe: Jonny gets great pleasure from being an ass. His sole purpose is to live by himself and kick anyone that gets on his nerves. He is, however, quite handsome. And an impeccable dresser. So he has most definitely been blessed with everything but a warm personality.

Mr. Id and Mr. Odd: Two of Satan's bumbling henchmen sent to retrieve Smithe's painting. In hell they're cowering, fearful little demons that are quite socially inept. On earth they're just malformed human idiots. Being idiots helps their social standing with the general public, but just makes Jonny hate them all the more.

Constable Beatrice Green and Father Richard Vandal: The first female investigator with the London police force and a rogue investigator from the Roman Catholic Church, respectively. These two are on the same trail to find out what's happened to Jonny.

Leonardo Young: Yet another investigator, this one being straight from heaven. Leonardo is an angel sent down into hell to figure out why Satan has recently ceased all communications with everyone. Unfortunately with Jonny running the show Leonardo can't get back out, and his very life suddenly depends on convincing Mr. Smithe that he belongs on Earth.

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I just remembered, I also read a crapload of web-comics. I'm never going to grow up, clearly, so I will excitedly share my favorites with you all.

Scary Go Round by John Allison - 100% British, 75% Good Fashion Sense. I'm quite in love with this comic - it has outstanding art and some of the wittiest writing I've read in a while.

Penny Arcade by Tycho and Gabe - We've established that I'm a geek, so I don't have to justify why it is that I like a comic that does nothing but talk about videogames.

Demonology 101 by Faith Hicks - I have an unhealthy fascination with angels and devils and the fightings and such. I blame the Bible.

Sluggy Freelance by Peter Abrams - This one is insanely popular on the internet. Right now he's in the middle of a Harry Potter parody story arc, so this may be highly appealing to most.

Sinfest by Tatsuya Ishida - Because I do so enjoy some sinnin'.

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So yeah, I came back from my hiatus (which was filled with good old fashioned studying!) during which I gave you guys no clue as to what was going on, so I could tell my mostly female audience about comic books.

I'm some piece of work.

You know you like it, too. Don't pretend.

P.S. I went and saw Underworld after my last exam this week, and it was badass. I've never really seen Ms. Kate Beckinsale in anything, but I'd have to say that her ass gave the finest performance in cinema history. I truly hope to see more of Kate Beckinsale's ass in the theatre. I feel that its overall lusciousness is enhanced tenfold by the stereo sound and giant screen. Usually I'm not all about this tons of leather clothing jazz, but so long as it's encased around that particular booty, bring the leather on. In closing - ass ass ass ass Kate Beckinsale's ass.

Listening To: Chingy - Right Thurr, Pixies - Mr. Grieves, Requiem For a Dream (Soundtrack) - Lux Aeterna

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