Dreaming of TV

11:07 a.m.

Last night I dreamed that I had a girlfriend with some kind of future vacuum cleaner that she was using to suck up all my stuff because she claimed it was "infested with viruses." And every time I tried to stop her I was repelled away by unseen forces.

A psychologist could have a field day with me.

Rachael Ray!

It seems like I'm not the only one fascinated by the Food Network's vixen chef, as FHM magazine made her a cover girl. You can check it out here.

Actually, reading the article depressed me a bit. Two hundred sit-ups a day? What kind of freak does two hundred sit-ups a day? Fucking goat-ass, that's a lot of sit-ups.

LZTV

I've mentioned before how I should be on television. It would suit me. I have the personality of a game show host.

While I was in the shower this morning I day-dreamed that I was at the Electronics Entertainment Expo, doing coverage for a gaming news show. It was a good day-dream. In it, I visited 3DO's booth (Tell me if it's just me seeing their home page reveal all its secrets - if you can see this too, then I'm so happy that this company is still incompetent and I want them to get hacked real bad) for an interview with CEO Trip Hawkins.

Lee: So what's next for 3DO, Mr. Hawkins?
Trip: A new Army Men game, Lee. We have to continue the franchise. That's what this industry is all about. Franchising. But you know that. I've stated that before.
Lee: Yes, you've stated that before. So what's this one going to be about?
Trip: Well, see, this time, a little boy has left his army men figures in the bathroom after taking his bath, and the green army has to fight the red army for the grand prize...but I don't want to give too much away just yet.
Lee: Is it called "Sarge's Bathroom Siege: Coup d'Toilet?"
Trip: I...nooooo...*makes cease and desist motions towards his bodyguards who have begun to creep up on me*
Lee: It's good to know that you've stayed true to the innovation that made your company the powerhouse it is today. Remember the Panasonic 3DO console? That was so ahead of its time that nobody even bought it. You're like a post-modern artist, Trip. You make videogames that are bad just to be bad.
Trip: Your mom.
Bodyguard: Good one, Boss.
Trip: It's time for a nap, boys. I've expended all of my energy destroying this kid's ego.
Lee: Oh, hey, Trip?
Trip: Yes?
Lee: *kicks Trip Hawkins in the nuts*

Like I said, that was a good day-dream. Of course, nobody would ever allow me to kick Trip Hawkins right in his Mean Bean Machine, but I would still love the opportunity to do some genuine industry coverage.

And really, I'd love to go back to E3. Going to Los Angeles for that expo was the only thing that made working for Gamers' Republic really worthwhile.

Which is why, after searching around G4/Tech TV's web site, when I found a way for me to send in a rèsumè, I figured, what the hell? Like every other business I've submitted my rèsumè to, I have no expectations, but it would sure be sweet to work in the same place as Martin Sargent. At the very least, maybe they need some fresh new writers. After reading some of the internet-only content, I'd believe it.

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